Many people assume that the divorce rate is skyrocketing, but in reality, the U.S. divorce rate dropped 18% from 2010 to 2020. This happened for a variety of reasons including that people are waiting longer to get married (for example, after pursuing college or securing a job). Even if people are avoiding marriage, they are not avoiding relationships.
The truth is, relationships add meaning to life. Although they can be fun, it takes hard work to build healthy relationships. Whether you are sticking your toe in the water of a new relationship or are fully submerged in a long-term one, a little free relationship advice can go a long way.
You might be surprised to learn that the way we relate to a spouse or partner has everything to do with how we related to our parents or guardians as a child. An individual's attachment style develops early in life. That's right - the quality of your current adult relationships mirrors the quality of your childhood relationships. There are four attachment styles:
For and online therapist: https://chat.whatsapp.com/Ed4MsLQAgLKAR8s0rcgfAl
- Secure: the healthiest; characterized by an ability to be emotionally intimate and open with others; contentment with the self and others; a product of emotionally-available parenting
- Anxious-Preoccupied: an insecure, unhealthy attachment; characterized by the need for others' approval and an intense desire to be emotionally close to others; low self-esteem; results from unresponsive parenting
- Dismissive-Avoidant: an insecure, unhealthy attachment; characterized by disinterest in emotional intimacy and extreme independence; results from childhood rejection
- Fearful-Avoidance: an insecure, unhealthy attachment; characterized by a desire for and a fear of close relationships; results from childhood sexual abuse and trauma
As children, we have little control over our environments. We unknowingly and unintentionally develop these relationship patterns that affect the rest of our lives. However, your current attachment style is not your destiny. Whether you feel overly clingy or too disinterested, you can work with a mental health professional to identify your current attachment style, address childhood traumas, and develop a secure attachment style.
Build Healthy Boundaries
According to Drs. Cloud and Townsend, unhealthy relationships and even abuse occur due to a lack of healthy boundaries. Boundaries demarcate where one person ends and another begins. They prevent one partner from becoming too dominant and help create equality and feelings of mutual respect in a relationship. To develop healthy boundaries, practise saying "no" to things that make you feel uncomfortable and voice your preferences and needs.
You cannot truly love another until you love yourself. If you feel incomplete, no partner will ever be able to complete you. You must be a whole, self-sufficient, confident person to have a healthy relationship. Everyone is flawed and will eventually let you down in some way. But if you enter a relationship from a position of strength, you will be able to overcome bumps in the road. Try spending some time on your own and developing your hobbies. Remember that being alone is not the same as being lonely.
Overcome Past Heartbreak
It is difficult to engage in a new relationship if you are still mourning an old relationship. All relationships - no matter how healthy or unhealthy - require a period of mourning and recovery when they end. Journaling and meditation can help you begin to move past heartbreak. An online therapist can teach you strategies to overcome a breakup and develop skills to engage in healthy new relationships.
Forming relationships - especially healthy relationships - is no easy task. But it is one of the most important things you will do in life. Because of this, your relationship skills deserve your full attention. Take your relationship game to the next level with the help of an your therapist even right here.
People in relationships need to feel connected, to feel alive. When your partner turns toward you, respond to them, don't ignore their emotional needs. The lack of love can cause an emptiness. Show your connection with one another in ways that feel comfortable for each of you. Simple acts of love remind one another of the connection built and can increase the romance in the relationship. Hold their hand while you watch TV, cook dinner together, and remember to love one another. Everyday interactions shouldn't be overlooked as opportunities to reconnect. Consider what can you give your partner to show your love for them. Is it your time? Your attention?
Building a connection is the opportunity to build trust and intimacy. Find out what your partner prefers by asking and showing them. Is it touching or doing? For example, is your partner responsive to language, auditory cues, or making eye contact? Words of affirmation such as appreciation and politeness can go a long way. Adding phrases such as "I appreciate it when you" and "please" can help maintain emotional connection and warmth. Neither of you is a mind-reader. Have them describe what they like without you evaluating or judging. The key to gaining intimacy is allowing your partner the space to share openly and honestly. Saying I love you may not be enough, you may need to reinforce your love in other ways.
Remain present in your relationship in the here and now by giving your partner your full attention. Dedicate yourself 100% and practice awareness. When you're angry or stressed don't check out of the relationship. Intimacy and trust are built during difficult times, not when they're easy. You may want to give up when feeling uncomfortable but this resistance needs to be challenged so your relationship can grow. Assess the situation, identify challenges and what you can personally do at this moment. Pause and reflect on why you are in the relationship and what your goals are. You may not be able to move forward if you continue to rehash every wrong repeatedly. This kind of negative thought process detracts from the relationship.
When we are flooded with emotions it is difficult to remain present. The situation can quickly escalate and it's valuable to know how to defuse conflict. Learn how to defuse conflict by being playful or by using humour to keep the conversation going in the right direction. Humour can help you regain a new perspective and rebalance communication. It also relieves stress and can break a pattern of hostility.
Watch your tone if you're using "you" repeatedly and if notice yourself blaming your partner. Take personal responsibility when you can, instead of offloading everything onto the other person. If your statements are starting with "you" start them instead with "I". Your decision to reflect your complaints may be putting your partner into a defensive mode by continuously using "you" statements. Focus on how you're feeling and not on blaming your partner or spouse. In doing so, you will find the conversation begin to move in a more manageable direction where both people are being heard and understood.
Pay special attention to your voice's tone during heated discussions because subtleties such as sarcasm can lead to a lack of communication and can cause the other person to distrust you. Note your volume as well and avoid raising your voice in competition to be heard. Being louder won't necessarily help you communicate better with your partner. If your loved one is speaking, you should be listening.
Dr. I. D. Samuel
No comments:
Post a Comment