WHO IS A NARCISSIST? BY DR. I. D. SAMUEL

A narcissistic personality refers to a pattern of thinking, feeling, and behaving where a person has an inflated sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration, and little regard for others’ feelings.

In psychology, extreme cases are diagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). But many people show narcissistic traits without having the full disorder.

⚠️ Common Traits of a Narcissistic Personality

1. Grandiosity – Exaggerates achievements, expects to be recognized as superior without real accomplishments.

2. Need for Admiration – Constantly seeks praise, validation, or attention.

3. Lack of Empathy – Struggles to understand or care about others’ feelings.

4. Sense of Entitlement – Believes they deserve special treatment.

5. Exploitativeness – Uses others to achieve personal goals.

6. Arrogance – Looks down on others, often belittling or mocking them.

7. Fragile Self-Esteem – Appears confident, but is very sensitive to criticism or rejection.

👫 In Relationships

They may love-bomb (shower affection at first) but later devalue and criticize their partner.

They often manipulate using guilt, gaslighting, or silent treatment.

Relationships feel one-sided — the partner gives, while the narcissist takes.

They may become controlling or jealous when not the center of attention.

🌱 Root Causes

Psychologists suggest narcissism can develop from:

Childhood neglect or excessive criticism.

Over-pampering or being told they’re superior.

Insecurity masked by arrogance.

🛑 Effects on Partners

Being with a narcissistic partner can lead to:

Loss of self-esteem.

Constant self-doubt (due to gaslighting).

Imotional exhaustion from walking on eggshells.

Feeling unloved or unappreciated.

✅ How to Handle a Narcissistic Personality

1. Set Boundaries – Be firm about what you will not accept.

2. Avoid Power Struggles – They thrive on control and arguments.

3. Protect Your Self-Esteem – Don’t let their criticism define your worth.

4. Seek Support – Talk to trusted friends, mentors, or a counselor.

5. Know When to Walk Away – Some narcissists don’t change; leaving may be healthiest.

👉 In short:

A narcissistic personality is charming at first but can become toxic and draining over time. Recognizing the signs helps protect yourself and make wise relationship choices.

🔎 Life Partner Checklist - Dr. I. D. Samuel

1. Values and Beliefs

Do we share the same core values (faith, honesty, family, money, integrity)?

Do we agree on what is right/wrong in major areas of life?

Can I respect and live with their beliefs, even if they differ slightly from mine?

2. Emotional Maturity

Do they take responsibility when wrong, or do they always shift blame?

How do they handle stress, anger, or disappointment?

Are they willing to compromise and work through challenges without walking away?

3. Respect and Kindness

Do they respect my opinions, dreams, and boundaries?

Do they treat me kindly in private and in public?

How do they treat people “beneath” them (drivers, waiters, workers, etc.)?

4. Trustworthiness

Do I feel safe leaving my phone, secrets, or money with them?

Do they keep promises, even in small things?

Do they lie, hide things, or act suspiciously?

5. Communication

Can we talk openly about difficult issues without fear or hostility?

Do they listen when I speak, or always try to “win” arguments?

Do they shut down, shout, or manipulate instead of resolving conflict?

6. Life Goals and Vision

Do we agree about children (number, parenting style, values to raise them with)?

Do we have similar financial goals (saving, spending, investments)?

Do our career ambitions align, or will they cause conflict later?

Do we want the same lifestyle (city vs. village, travel, social life)?

7. Attraction and Compatibility

Am I genuinely attracted to them (not just physically, but emotionally and mentally)?

Do I feel at peace and happy in their presence?

Do we enjoy spending time together, or do I feel drained?

8. Support and Encouragement

Do they support my dreams and growth, or do they belittle them?

Can I count on them in times of sickness, loss, or failure?

Do they celebrate my successes with me, or compete/compare?

9. Family and Social Relationships

How do they treat their parents, siblings, and friends?

Are they respectful to elders and kind to children?

Are they overly dependent on family/friends in decision-making?

10. Financial Responsibility

Do they budget, save, and spend wisely?

Are they open about money matters, or secretive?

Do they carry unnecessary debts or gambling habits?

Can we plan and manage money together without constant fights?

✅ Final Reflection Questions

Do I feel safe, respected, and valued with this person?

Does this person bring out the best in me, or the worst?

If this person never changes, can I live happily with them for life?

👉 The truth: Love is important, but not enough by itself. A life partner should be someone you can trust, respect, and grow with, even through difficulties.

WHAT ARE THE FACTORS TO CONSIDER IJ CHOOSING A LIFE PARTNER - I. D. Samuel PhD

Choosing a life partner is one of the biggest decisions anyone can make, and it requires wisdom, patience, and self-awareness. 

Here are 10  key things to look out for when choosing a life partner, with explanations and examples:

1. Shared Values and Beliefs

Why: Looks and feelings may fade, but values (faith, honesty, family, money, integrity) shape how you live together long-term.

Example: If one person values honesty but the other doesn’t mind lying, trust issues will constantly arise.

2. Emotional Maturity

Why: A partner should be able to manage anger, disappointment, and stress without becoming abusive, sulky, or avoidant. Emotional maturity shows readiness for marriage.

Example: Someone who apologizes when wrong and learns from mistakes is more reliable than someone who always blames others.

3. Respect and Kindness

Why: Love without respect becomes toxic. A good partner values your opinions, treats you with dignity, and shows kindness even during disagreements.

Example: A person who mocks you in public or constantly belittles your dreams is not suitable for a healthy partnership.

4. Trustworthiness

Why: Without trust, there will be suspicion, jealousy, and insecurity. A life partner should be dependable and consistent in words and actions.

Example: If someone often breaks promises or hides things, that’s a red flag.

5. Good Communication Skills

Why: A healthy partner should be able to express feelings honestly, listen attentively, and resolve conflicts respectfully.

Example: Instead of shutting down or shouting, a good partner says, “I feel hurt when you do this” and listens to your response.

6. Shared Life Goals

Why: Two people must generally agree on important things like children, finances, career ambitions, and lifestyle. Otherwise, future conflicts are inevitable.

Example: If you want three children but your partner never wants kids, the relationship will strain no matter the love.

7. Attraction and Compatibility

Why: Emotional, intellectual, and physical attraction matters. You don’t need perfection, but there must be genuine connection and chemistry.

Example: You should enjoy spending time together and not feel drained in their presence.

8. Supportive and Encouraging Nature

Why: A good partner helps you grow, celebrates your wins, and stands by you during struggles.

Example: If you start a small business, a supportive partner encourages you instead of mocking your efforts.

9. Healthy Family and Social Relationships

Why: How someone treats family, friends, and even strangers shows their true character. Also, marriage often involves extended family.

Example: Someone who is respectful to their parents and courteous to waiters is more likely to treat you well too.

10. Financial Responsibility

Why: Money issues are one of the top causes of marital conflict. A life partner doesn’t need to be rich, but they should be disciplined and transparent with money.

Example: A partner who constantly borrows and wastes money without accountability may bring future hardship.

✅ In summary: Choose someone who is mature, respectful, trustworthy, shares your values, communicates well, supports your growth, and has compatible life goals.

7 REASONS WHY MOST RELATIONSHIPS DON'T LAST, AND EVEN MARRIAGES. BY DR. I. D. SAMUEL

 

7 REASONS WHY MOAT RELATIONSHIPS DON'T LAST, AND EVEN MARRIAGES. BY DR. I. D. SAMUEL 

let me expand each reason with some detail and real-life-like examples so it’s clearer why most relationships don’t last:

1. Poor Communication

Explanation: Healthy relationships thrive on openness and honesty. When partners fail to express feelings, listen actively, or clarify misunderstandings, small issues grow into major problems. Silence, assumptions, or harsh words create distance.

Example: A woman feels neglected because her partner works long hours, but instead of telling him, she grows resentful. He assumes she understands he’s working for their future. Over time, they both feel unappreciated and emotionally disconnected.

2. Lack of Trust

Explanation: Trust is the backbone of intimacy. Without it, insecurity and suspicion dominate the relationship. Once broken (through lies, cheating, or repeated disappointments), it’s very difficult to rebuild.

Example: A man catches his partner texting someone secretly late at night. Even though she insists it was harmless, doubt sets in. From then on, every time her phone buzzes, he wonders who it is. The suspicion eventually destroys the peace of the relationship.

3. Unrealistic Expectations

Explanation: Many people enter relationships expecting their partner to “fix” their loneliness, always make them happy, or never change. But no one can meet every emotional or personal need. Disappointment sets in when reality doesn’t match the fantasy.

Example: A woman believes marriage will end her feelings of emptiness. After a few months, she realizes her partner cannot fulfill her every emotional gap, and she grows bitter, thinking the relationship has failed — when the real issue is unmet unrealistic expectations.

4. Neglect of Effort

Explanation: Relationships are like gardens — they die if neglected. Consistent love, attention, and quality time are needed. When partners stop dating each other, stop complimenting, or stop showing interest, the bond weakens.

Example: At first, a man surprises his partner with kind gestures, late-night talks, and dates. After some months, he stops trying, thinking “she already knows I love her.” She begins to feel invisible and unloved, leading to emotional withdrawal.

5. Different Values or Life Goals

Explanation: Love alone isn’t always enough. If two people have opposite priorities, faith practices, or visions for the future, clashes will arise. Without compromise, differences become walls.

Example: One partner dreams of moving abroad for career growth, while the other insists on staying close to family. Neither is wrong, but the conflicting life goals create a deadlock that love alone cannot fix.

6. Poor Conflict Resolution

Explanation: Disagreements are normal, but how couples handle them determines survival. Constant yelling, blame, or avoidance leads to resentment. Healthy couples fight fairly and resolve issues; unhealthy ones let problems pile up.

Example: Instead of calmly discussing finances, a couple argues every time money is mentioned. They attack each other’s character (“You’re irresponsible!”) instead of solving the problem. Over time, both avoid the topic altogether, and financial stress ruins the bond.

7. Emotional Immaturity

Explanation: Immature partners may be selfish, easily offended, or unable to regulate their emotions. They often prioritize winning arguments over understanding, or pleasure over commitment.

Example: A boyfriend storms out every time his girlfriend raises a concern. Instead of listening, he sulks or blames her. She eventually feels like she’s dating a child rather than an equal partner and leaves.

✨ In short: Most relationships fail not because love wasn’t present at the beginning, but because love wasn’t maintained with trust, communication, effort, and maturity.